I’m currently in my mid 30’s and long story short really only had one minor sexual experience 10 years back. Basically just an erotic massage.
I feel like my mind is very sexually active but I’ve always been terrified of real intimacy. I made a lot of mistakes the past 10 years and should have perused more intimate encounters in the past but never did for mental health and other reasons. I’ve tried dating very briefly but just felt so awkward and uncomfortable.
I want to hire someone on Rentmen to for an erotic massage plus maybe oral (never done before but really want to). Grindr seems absolute ass and I also just feel so inexperienced at my age that I just now feel self conscious.
I am in the process of getting PrEP and DoxyPEP but just feel so nervous and uncomfortable. I get this feeling of being dirty when applying for it.
I know I’m riddled with so much internalized shame and homophobia. My intention is NOT to put anyone here down who may be more promiscuous. This is just how I personally feel about myself. Like I’m going to taint myself if I get involved with another man. Then feeling self conscious about my lack of experience makes me feel worse.
I think I’m just looking for support and reassurance.