I (21F) am in a friend group with 3 other women (23, 25, and 28-I'll refer to people by age instead of names for anonymity). We all were in the same degree program in college, and we've been very close friends for almost 2 years now.
We all, individually and as a collective, have had issues with one of our friends- 23.
23 has anxiety and OCD. I myself have anxiety, and family members with mental health struggles. We all have been understanding and accepting of 23, but she often uses her mental health as a cop-out of any kind of accountability when we bring up our frustrations.
Here's some of the things that are frustrating us:
-We all went to our school bookstore one day to pick up our textbooks. When 23 was checking out, we went to an aisle nearby while we waited. Later that day, she texts us that we "abandoned her" and made her feel like "she wasn't worth waiting for"... when we said that she was overreacting, she blamed it on her OCD and did not apologize.
-She gets mad when we don't answer her messages "fast enough"- we all have work, relationships, caregiving, etc.- while she is unemployed and no responsibilities at home. She sends me up to 70 Tiktoks a day, and gets upset if I don't answer them within the same day she sends them.
-She has severe separation anxiety from us. When 23 and our two other friends were in their class, they got split up into groups. 23 was without 25 and 28. She grabbed 28's hand and shouted, "WE CAN'T BE SEPARATED!"
-She refuses to drive on the freeway. She is the midpoint between where I live and where 25 and 28 live, so this often works out for her. But whenever there's freeway driving involved in plans, she expects someone to drive her (this is usually me) or she won't go.
-Recently, 25 wanted to have a sleepover at her house. I couldn't go, so I couldn't drive 23. A shooting recently happened in 25's neighborhood- while this is very sad, it was between two people and an isolated incident. 23 used the shooting as a cop-out, saying she "felt unsafe" to go to my friend's area.
-She doesn't study for tests, or properly research for essays (we're lit majors). When she gets a bad grade, she blames it on "having a bad mental health day" (even when she's fine) and then hopes the teacher lets her retake the test. She doesn't read assigned books, and asks us for the summaries of what we all *actually* read.
-She sends videos of her shopping hauls and info about her favorite reality tv shows (that we do not watch) even in the middle of serious conversations about our personal lives.
-25 wants to go to a concert in another city. 23 recently bragged that "she can persuade her parents to let her do anything", but then told 25 "I can't go, my parents won't let me go".
We've confronted her about these behaviors before, but every time, she doesn't apologize and just says we don't understand what it's like to be her. And no, we don't. We all have compassion for her, but we all still have to maintain our boundaries, too. We all are pretty over it, and want to part ways. We just aren't sure what the best way to do so is. I graduated, but everyone else still goes to school together. We're not doing anything until the semester is over for them, which isn't for several weeks, so we have some time to think. We wish her well, and don't want to hurt 23's feelings, but we don't know what to do. Any advice?