Chances to actually modify custody - Connecticut
My ex husband and I share 50/50 time split (3-4-4-3 currently) and joint custody for our 8 year old daughter. Ex's job requires travel which is frequently unplanned or last minute. We have a right of first refusal and if I can take my daughter, I do. Sometimes I cannot due to it being last minute. I am self-employed and put my heavier days on the days she is with him so I am available on my parenting days. I take a big financial hit if I have to modify that without planning ahead.
Ex's job can result in travel from 1 night - 2 weeks depending on circumstances. When not traveling, his work will assign him to various night shifts. If I am unable to take her during his time he has a family member babysit.
We have been divorced almost 2 years. The first year he maintained mostly consistent schedules and only had babysitters sporadically. This year, however it has gotten much more inconsistent. She has a different schedule with him almost weekly right now. She has anxiety and OCD, it has gotten consistently worse in parallel with his work changes. She sees two therapists and a prescriber for it.
We have tried coparenting therapy due to concerns about this and how he handles his travel. We had previously agreed he'd try to give her at least 2-3 weeks notice before a major overnight trip with the support of her therapist. He has really dug in that as long as he is providing safe care for her during his time, it does not matter how many actual days she sees him. I get that to an extent but also I feel heartbroken seeing her disappointed each time she doesn't actually get to spend their time together.
On the eve of this past week, he told her he was going away for 5 days last minute with 1 day of notice. He is unsure when he will return. When I brought her to her babysitter today on his time (due to me having work today), she was a mess - sad, anxious, intrusive thoughts flaring. She doesn't know if she will even see him this week at all or not still.
I am doubtful he would be willing to revisit our current physical custody arrangement. When we first divorced, I knew it would be hard with his schedule and proposed I had more physical custody for consistency but would be flexible if he was home and wanted to spend time with her. He refused, saying he would insist on nothing less than a 50/50 time split. Every time I bring up my concerns, he continues to dig his heels in. I am thinking about whether or not it is worth it to look into legal consul but I don't make a lot of money. I break even each month and have paid him most of my retirement in our divorce (home equity buy out). The other piece is - I have seen so many people go through family court in CT and have it end up making things worse or doing nothing and they spend their savings. But I am heartbroken for her. What options do I have?