I’m officially retiring from being the "Designated Adult" in my friend group
I’m the person people call when they don’t understand their 401k paperwork. I’m the one who gets the "Can you look at this email before I send it?" texts.
For most of my 20s, I wore my "Type A" personality like a badge of honor. I loved being the one with the plan, the color-coded spreadsheet, and the emergency kit in my trunk (which, to be fair, is still there).
But lately, I’ve realized that being the "Designated Adult" is just a fancy way of saying I’ve volunteered to manage everyone else’s stress on top of my own.
I’m in my early 30s now, and my career as a strategist has taught me everything about ROI, except how to apply it to my own life. I realized I was showing up to brunch already mentally exhausted because I’d spent the morning helping a friend troubleshoot a lease agreement. Meanwhile, my own "organized" life is a bit of a facade. I can tell you exactly how to optimize your home equity, but please don't ask me how long the "Check Engine" light has been on in my car (I’m working on it).
I love my friends deeply. But I realized that by always having the answer, I wasn't letting them grow, and I certainly wasn't letting myself rest. I was so busy being the "fixer" that I forgot how to just be a person who doesn't know what’s for dinner.
Last weekend, a friend called me in a total panic about a minor laundry-related issue. Usually, I would have dropped everything and solved it in ten minutes. Instead, I took a breath and said, "I’m sure you’ll figure out a great way to handle it".
The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.
It felt "mean" for about five seconds, but then it felt like a weight lifting off my chest. I’m learning that I can be a supportive friend without being an unpaid consultant. I want to be the friend you call to go to a museum or try a new coffee shop, not the one you call because you lost your password to the IRS website.
I’m still a work in progress, but for now, my office is closed.