I (31M) always says things that upsets my partner (25F)
Hi everyone. Just seeking advice to help my situation as I'm (31M) a blockhead and always says the dumbest of things all the time that upsets my partner(25F). How do I become more self-aware of the implications of the things I say to maintain peace in my relationship?
It's always after the fact after my partner raises her voice at me do I realize that I am always saying things that are never positive.
The most common argument we have is always how I always say stuff and deep down within myself. I know I genuinely mean well for her, but somehow when I say it, and from her point of view after she tells me how she receives it, it always comes off badly.
For example, our latest argument went like this. She is going on a solo Bali trip and was telling me she might struggle to get around to get stuff she needs.
I told her that it is possible if it is just a quick run to the convenience store she could possibly rent a scooter/motorbike for a couple hours for cheap.
She snapped at me and started getting angry. Saying that I do not value her life (she was thinking that traffic in Bali is dangerous and she does not have a motorbike license and has never rode one before) and that she is shocked I would even suggest that. At first, I genuinely thought it would be a quick solution and that would be what I would do if I was in her position. So I just wanted to suggest it to help her with her problem.
Then she started raising her voice at me while I progressively panicked realizing her mood changed and we are at a stale mate in terms of the mood and atmosphere. I apologized profusely many times and told her I do not mean it the way she took it and that I genuinely just wanted to give a quick solution to solve her problems. She does not even have to take it, she could tell me "I don't think that's a good idea" and I would be fine with it.
Sincerely, I'm open and willingly listen to all feedback on how I can improve myself to be a better boyfriend. How can I know what are the right things to say? And learn to keep my mouth shut before I say things that lead to negative outcomes? Thank you everyone for reading and your advice.