For whomever reads this, may the force be with you!
There’s a verse (John 15:19 AMP) that puts my autistic experience into spiritual terms: an inherent mismatch between who I am and what the social world demands/is. “If you belonged to the world, the world would love [you as] its own and would treat you with affection. But you are not of the world [you no longer belong to it], but I have chosen you out of the world. And because of this the world hates you.”
The world accepted me for 30 plus years when my differences were entertaining or convenient. It turned away the moment my vulnerability stopped being a joke and started being inconvenient.
Rejections can leave a scar but they also reveal something true (and this is my message to myself and anyone else reading):
you’re not broken for not fitting, the disconnect is real and it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It is what it is and you can find peace. It is not a personal failure but a mismatch of natures. You’re NOT alone in this! You’re just seeing clearly what others are able to ignore or are unaware of.