u/HomeSame3384

me and my boyfriend got into an argument last night that fell into this morning as well, and now we’re not talking

I picked my boyfriend up from work yesterday and he wasn’t in a good mood, i offered if he wanted to talk and he didn’t and he told me he just wanted to be alone for the night. I left him to it, told him to reach out if there’s anything i can do and went home and later in the night he went out to his friends house. To clarify I have no issue with his friend [24M]. I brought it up because of the situation as a whole, as in he wants to be alone, he disappeared from our conversations multiple times that evening (he fell asleep but i didn’t know until after i brought up the issue), if we called or when i picked him up from work he was short and blunt n spoke with a flat tone with very little words. My issue that i tried to bring up wasn’t that he’s with his friend when he said he wanted to be alone (although it did make me feel like he lied to me) my issue was that there was no transparency.

When i brought it up, I explained to him that he asked to be alone, but ended up seeing a friend, that made me feel lied to and maybe that he just didn’t want to be around me. I explained to him that he didn’t let me know that he was popping out n i felt like he was hiding it. I told him i felt emotionally pushed away by him because everything indicated that he didn’t want to speak to me, call me, or see me.

His responses were short, responses like “plans change.” and “well i wanted to go out.” and “bless.”
He told me “in my head choosing to socialise is a part of being alone” which.. maybe to some people it is, but i just can’t understand it. I sent him a message just saying i think he’s being unsupportive and out of line considering i’m just trying to talk about how a situation made me feel and then i went to bed.

Fast forward to this morning, it gets brung up again. I explained to him the issue wasn’t wanting to be alone, seeing his friends, n that the plan changed, the issue to me was the lack of transparency and i don’t feel there’s a mutual respect. I said to him it’s just as simple as “my friends called to see if i’m free, gunna go pop out n see him”. He told me that he’s being crucified for seeing his friend, that i’ve called him a liar (when i said i felt lied to) and he called me a parole officer. We both come from traumatic backgrounds, his i will keep private, mine is from relationships which he’s aware of everything that i’ve been through. To some people maybe it’s too much, but with me and him it’s never been a problem until last night.

We ended up coming to an agreement that i will just adjust to this, he said because of his adhd it slipped his mind to inform me. I’m not comfortable with letting it go n being okay with it, for me to also feel comfortable in this relationship, little things go a long way.

After we agreed on me adjusting, originally the plan was for us to be together tonight, he then told me.. his friends and him are going out a couple hours away to go raving. I told him “this isn’t cool” and that he’s ditched me for his friends and a rave. He told me “i understand. i’m sorry. i’ll make it up to you next week” I haven’t responded.

I’m not sure what to do, little things go a long way and sometimes i need that little thing but honestly i just feel more hurt after being called a parole officer and how i made him feel “crucified”