To Convert Again Or Not…
Hello fellow converts! I’m so happy I found this page to finally not feel super alone as a convert and see how many others have gone through or going through the process 😊. I’m in a weird place and wondering what direction to go. I’ll try to give the highlights for context.
I kind of grew up with Judaism since I was about 7. It started when my Mom went to a class taught by a “Rabbi” teaching about the ”Hebrew Roots of Your Christian Faith”. She loved it and started taking my family to their “synagogue“. As an adult I now know that Hebrew Christian (they call themselves Messianic Jews, but no one there is Jewish) community is a total sham, but can look back and appreciate the foundation of learning Hebrew and concepts of Judaism. I grew up thinking I was Jewish until high school when someone told me that you either convert or are born Jewish. That was absolutely devastating to my identity, but pushed me to explore converting in college. I started going to the Chabad house events, Erev Shabbat dinners, and even learning with the Rebbetzin for a while, but never asked about conversion. Maybe I was afraid of being judged or didn’t know where to start as a college student living with roommates.
It wasn’t until after graduation when I joined the military that I really started exploring what Judaism is and began a formal conversion program in Hawaii, facilitated by the Jewish chaplain on island. At the end of my process in 2018, I had my Beit Din with three male Rabbis, did my Mikvah in the Pacific Ocean (which was so moving and beautiful! Dont worry, it was in a secluded part of a neighborhood beach with the Rebbetzin and another female escorting me out until I could fully immerse without touching the ground and take my swimsuit off.), and celebrated! I moved to California and happened to move within walking distance of a Conservative shul where I made a home and built my Jewish community.
Fast forward to 2026: I’m married to a Jewish man (culturally Jewish but not super religious), raising Jewish children, in a Jewish community, observing all the mitzvot as best I can and happy with our lives. My shul began a Miller Intro To Judaism Course that I enrolled in as a nice refresher and to learn more with a different Rabbi, but quickly realized this was not like my initial conversion lessons at all. My Rabbi went more in depth, more reading, more discussions, and I loved it! That class sparked me to reflect on my own conversion eight years ago and realize some flaws about my experience that made me question a lot. What denomination did I convert to? Is my certificate enough to make Aliyah if we wanted? What about my childrens status? Should I convert again?
On top of that, there’s this ache for more. More learning, more study, more prayer, more observance… just more Judaism. Ive been exploring the idea of going through an Orthodox conversion to end the question of my children’s status, but haven’t fully decided yet. I stumbled upon the Project Ruth podcast and really like the Rabbis modern-Orthodox, open approach to conversion. I’ve read peoples feedback about that orga program being questioned in some communities. Honestly, any conversion is going to be questioned, I’m not going to drive myself crazy finding the perfect program. I’m active duty military and we’re getting stationed in Europe, which adds a layer of location complexity to this too.
If you’ve made it this far in my novel, thank you 😂. Any feedback, similar experiences, encourage or advice would be greatly helpful.