Just wanted to get some stuff off my chest
I hate how I have to question whether I deserve to be loved. I hate how I can’t just trust someone that when they say they love me they mean it. I hate how much effort I put in just to be a toy, a moment of entertainment. I buy people things, I put my all into relationships but I can’t keep one. I know it’s something wrong with me because it’s everyone I like and have a shot with thag just ends up ditching me. This one girl I really liked who just left after less than a week because I’m not interesting enough, Im not attractive enough. All my friends agree that im ugly too. I can’t get a minuite of peace and love without being bullied or criticised for random shit. I get called ugly by the girl I put my all into, the girlI stayed up late for, got bullied for dating and actually liked. I hate how I can’t seem to keep the simplest promise, how I can’t get over people I know I don’t have a chance with. I get used as a tool to make people feel better about themselves and to get out of depression. I ask how people are doing, if they are feeling like shit I help them feel better, I try so hard to fit in, and to feel like I deserve to be treated like a fucking human but I can’t think of anything. I hate how people don’t seem to care about me until they need something from me or until they want to get a laugh out of someone. I might be glossing over some times where people are actually nice, and ask me how Ive been and that’s what I like most.. but I shouldn’t have to wake up and think of plans to avoid getting bullied, think of ways to maybe feel something other than loneliness. I have loving parents and im so grateful for that.. but I need someone to choose to love me too… sorry for the long message just wanna get it off my chest.