OCD go away
I may have OCD
I may have countless questions
that arrive without answers
questions that branch into questions
But beneath them all,
there is only one fear
that has followed for many many years
Death
The conviction that I will not survive,
The horrific certainty that I may be dead in the very next moment
Yet 14 years have passed,
14 years of warnings,
Standing near the edge of an ending that never came
If the same alarm has rung
everyday for so many years
and the fire never came,
then perhaps there is something wrong
not with my life
but the way I hear the alarm
Maybe the only other rational reason to die would be to die of a heart attack or a brain stroke
But wait, there is help.
3 months ago, I started my medication and therapy. Since then the palpitations and the arrhythmia that once felt like warnings do not exist anymore now.
Whether i like it or not the medications control my obsessions and the therapy controls my compulsions. This changes the brain chemistry ultimately reducing the anxiety. So, I live because my anxiety is gone and I have no real reason to believe that I would be dying
And so the question is
Not "will I die?"
But if I live "what should I live for?"
The answer is simple. I simply have to live to do things that make me happy.