u/Honest_Garage2158

I (23F) met my boyfriend (25M) through work in 2022. At first we weren’t officially together, it was more of a talking stage/on-and-off situation. We stopped talking for around 6 months because of personal reasons, then eventually started talking again.

One thing that always bothered me from the beginning was that all of his exes looked very similar: blonde, white, blue eyes, etc. At the time I had dyed blonde hair even though I’m naturally brunette and tan. There was also a girl at work who looked exactly like his “type,” and during the months we stopped talking he ended up talking to and going out with her.

When we reconnected, I kept seeing her name pop up on his phone. He told me it “didn’t work out,” but from the messages I saw (with his permission) they seemed to genuinely enjoy each other. It made me question why he came back to me in the first place. Eventually he removed her and we moved on.

A few months later, he told me one night that he was “with his sister,” but the next morning I accidentally saw messages between him and another girl. Again, she looked exactly like his type. His explanation was that he met her online while checking out a site because Omegle was shutting down, and they “just started talking.”

After all of this I honestly stopped trying to fit into what I thought he wanted. I dyed my hair back to black and started being myself again. But years later, I still get triggered whenever I see girls who look like that. My brain immediately goes to “would he rather look at her?” and I end up feeling awful about myself.

The bigger issue happened in late 2023/early 2024 when I found out he had been sexting and cheating on me with men online while we were literally sleeping next to each other. We almost broke up over it. He apologized, begged me to stay, deleted social media, and genuinely changed a lot afterward. Since then he has honestly been a much better partner overall.

The problem is that I don’t know how to move on mentally. Even though it’s been over 2 years, I constantly wonder if there are hidden chats, deleted messages, or things I just don’t know about. Sometimes I bring it up because it still hurts me, but I can tell he’s exhausted by the topic and feels frustrated that we can’t fully move on.

What makes this harder is that I genuinely do see the effort and change in him now. I love him and can honestly see a future with him. But I also feel like the damage from the beginning permanently changed the way I think and trust.

His argument is that technically we “weren’t serious” until he officially asked me to be his girlfriend in 2024, even though emotionally I was already fully invested long before that.

this story has 2 parts kind of, I F23 have known my bf M25 through work since 2022, we werent so serious at the beginning just the talking stage, for around 6 months we stopped talking due to some personal reason and then we ended up talking again, from our conversations I knew that his ex's were all blonde and white, at that time I had blonde hair (Fake blonde im a brunette and im tan lol) and when i found out his ex's looked the same i knew that he liked me for my blonde hair and a few months before we stopped talking there was this new girl at work who looked like his dream girl white, blonde and blue eyes (yes yes very insecure of me) but my gut feeling was soooo right that when we stopped talking for a few months he started texting her and going out with her. when me and him started talking again i kept on seeing her name pop up on his phone a lot and after i asked about it he said that they didnt hit it off (which i dont believe because of when i was going through their chat by his approval obviously they were having so much fun together so i didnt know why he wanted me back) anyways he ended up removing her after a while but anyways, after like a few more months he was supposed to call me late at night but told me "hes with his sister" and the next morning i accidentally opened his phone to a chat with him and this girl (idk her), yup, his type AGAIN and he kept on apologizing and saying that "oh ive heard omegle was shutting down and i wanted to check so i went through this website and we hit it off". cased closed. after all of that i decided not to give a shit and dyed my hair back to black and be my true self. but my point from this part is that now, 3-4 years later whenever i see a girl who looks like that i immediately think of everything i just mentioned and think what if he was here would he be looking at her? and i end up feeling like absolutely trash i dont know what to do about it. the thing is he was such a shit fucking person for EVERYTHING he has put me through (there is way more and it is way worse)

for example this is part 2 btw during late 2023 early 2024 i have found out that he has been sexting guys (while we were sleeping next to each other) and i have crashed out on him and we had this whole thing and he apologized and begged to stay and deleted his socials and everything and just generally became a better man (i dont want to get into the details of what i found out) but there WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS be this thought at the back of my head of what if he still does those things? deleted chats. hidden chats, whatever. like i dont think not in a million years ill get over what he did. i really should have left when i had the chance but he grew into this better man and im happy but its just that I always end up reminding myself of what he did and i sometimes subtly bring it up because its bothering me but you could tell on his face and in his tone that hes tired of this whole situation. before you judge all of those things happened over 2 years ago and people do change yes, but how do YOU change? will i be like this forever? constantly stressing and scared? hes a good man and i see myself spending the rest of my life with him i just wish i didnt go through all of that i truly believe in the less i know the better.