I’m so lost and confused (breakup)
hi I’ve never posted on Reddit before but I have like nobody to turn to. About an hour ago my gf of three months broke up with me because she’s not into fem people anymore which I guess she’s made that clear in the past. she originally thought she was only attracted to mascs and that’s why she originally rejected me in the first place. omg my heads so scrambled I probably need to start from the beginning I’m sorry. so long story short I had a bf in september he was so f-ing toxic and i doubt he even liked me to begin with. the only time we seemed to click was when we were making out, which he usually initiated whenever he wanted. it eventually escalated to SA, which is still touchy for me even though it happened on new years five months ago. we had started out friends and eventually got closer. so my ex gf and I became friends in 7th grade. she basically introduced me into our now friend group and I really appreciat her for that because I really needed that support as I didn’t have friends at that time. over time our group has drifted apart but me and my friend grew closer together. before me and my ex bf got together I think we were doing a truth or dare and I had told him that I had a crush on my female friend so he dared me to confess to her and I did in a text. that was when she rejected me. a couple weeks after that me and my ex bf got together. as I was struggling through that breakup and my trauma I’d experienced from that, my ex gf really supported me and was like my #1 support. she eventually told me she had gotten feelings for me and said she didn’t know why she had rejected me before. I thought our relationship was so much more healthy than my last and I definitely felt much more loved without having to be physical. I thought we were doing great, even today. the breakup text came completely out of the blue for me. I’m basically in a friendship trio with her and another friend that she knew before we met so they’re extra close and she already knew that my ex would break up with me. Other than that, I have a few acquaintances in other classes, but none that I would hang out with outside of school and I hardly text them either because I hardly ever know what to say. So I basically feel like my life is falling apart. For a long time now Ive struggled with suicidal ideations, and I am in therapy but that’s really flaring up again. I have basically no one to turn to because my other close friend is likely going to stay more on my ex’s “side” than mine which completely makes sense. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m not deserving of love and that nobody really likes me that’s dated me, just the thought of having me as a gf. I’ve had three exes in the span of about a year and I’m thinking maybe I should give up. I’ve recently found a hobby in learning Korean so I can understand kpop and other things, but that’s really all that’s keeping me going. if anyone has any suggestions for what I should do it would be much appreciate, but Id also understand if nobody read this. Bye. :/