AITA for hooking up with
So, me 17-year-old female, was talking to this guy who was very sweet and I hoped would be good for me because I was traumatized and had trust issues. I thought if i goy hurt again i would lose my empathy forever. So were in the hot tub next to my house and he kisses me but i wasnt really expecting it. EVERYONE in this town thinks im a total ho so i felt disrespected and immediately told hm i wasn't interested in him anymore. Before we got in the hot tub i told him i didn't want to get hurt again, I'm crazy and don't want to be crazier, its good for nobody.
He didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't know my father smexually assaulted me as a kid and groomed me for years. But crazy doesn't come from nowhere so i wanted to be understood as a three-dimensional human being before intimacy. After he left in his car he ran like 18 miles and made me look real mean.
While he was running miles coping healthily, Im waiting on the bridge for someone to pass me by so I can bum a ciggerette. Two men pass."aye yall got a ciggerette" no we were actually just walking to go buy one if you wanna come. the white mf said. i walk there because i wanted a cigarette, i had half a bottle of raspberry rum. So he bought me a whole pack and a lighter but i was more focused on acting sober. While talking we established that im 17 and that he is infact a friends dad. This said friend was actually just a guy that had a crush on me. So apparently, he went home every time we hungout and told his dad all about me bro. Like about how I'm pathetic and nobody loves me. about my bad relationship with my dad and how i hate my moms boyfriend. and how hard of a time i had making friends and how i had struggle with reality.
Just after starting walking with them he told me he dropped 5000 dollars worth of snow on the ground. I really didnt gaf, i just wanted a cigarette. after discovering he was in fact a friend's dad i decided going in his house was safe id been there before. So he gave me a big bump and sat me in the chair opposite the door with him between. He immidiatly told me he had sociopathic tendencies. Immediately i assume hes a cya agent sent to destroy me, doing what ive done my entire life when in danger of a man i aplly to there humanity. theres always some. We argued about philosophy for 12 or so hours. He was very Machiavellian. i try to convince him not only that the world has hope but that he does too. I really do believe this too.
From twelve at night till 8 pm the next day, no text from my mom, no concept of time. Just fawning. and fighting till i started to experience symptoms of kidney failure because he didn't give me water he gave me koolaid, which i didn't drink btw because I'm not trying to be fat or ignore common sayings. he made me a extremely spicy quesadilla which i couldn't eat. I went 36 hours no food no water and no sleep and all he gave me too drink was godfuuclingkoolaid and vodka. I ask to lay of his bed because i geniunluy feel like im dieing. which he takes as his oportunity and gives me head pulls my hair slaps my ass and whatever else his ancient drujjed up dick wasnt needed for.my friend was outta town. When I went upstairs again bro his younger son was there. or somebody was idk who. I couldn't see anything all. i age regressed and lost motor function and vision. acted like a fucked up clone scifi 80s shit idfk.
a few things he said btw, "im the devil" something about me being a lot younger than i am that i wont specify.
after i got home finally he kicked me out at around 8 pm. he said blah blah blah "and if anyone tells you they see you as a woman theyre lieing and theyd eat you like soup." very last things said as he slammed the door on me. still kinda think he was cya agent because i discovered something about hydrogen quantum entanglement from the subterranean ocean. joojle it. it has the perfect conditions. anyhow i am insane. I have no appetite now and im going to get skinny as hell.but i never really intended on letting him get any. thats kinda my worst nightmare/fantasy. atleast now i know i dont like my darkest fantasy. and the friend knows because he wouldnt let me get drunk the other night. his dads true colors have shown. as have mine. hopefully. anyhow im prolly the a but i just needed to gett this off my chest