My MIL and SIL don't like, and I don't know what to do.
Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some outside perspectives because I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
My boyfriend (33M) and I (28F) have been together for over five years. During that time, we've had around five serious arguments. Whenever we had a fight, he would go to his mom and sister to vent. Because of that, I feel like they've built a very negative image of me based only on the worst moments in our relationship.
They see me as weak, overly emotional, dramatic, and sensitive. They've actually said these things to me directly.
For some background, my boyfriend's family has been through a lot. His father abused all if them. My sister-in-law had to grow up very quickly. My MIL and SIL have both had unhealthy relationships in the past, and they're both now single and have no interest in having a partner. They're also people who don't really talk about their feelings.
I've also experienced difficult things in my life. Some things are similar to them. We have talked about this. They know everything. I have a hard time letting go of my trauma’s. I am going to therapy. I have ptsd, panic attacks and anxiety. I am working on them. They always tell me to my face that I am weak, overreacting, and ‘just let it go’.
My parents taught me that it's healthy to talk about emotions and work through them. I don't see showing emotions as weakness, but I feel like they do.
The difficult part is that I don't know if they dislike me because of who I am, because of what they've heard after our arguments, or because our personalities and ways of dealing with emotions are just completely different.
Now my boyfriend and I are trying to get pregnant. I genuinely want my MIL and SIL to be part of our future children's lives. I don't want to keep them away. But at the same time, I'm worried about raising children around people who don't seem to respect me. I don't want my future kids to grow up hearing that their mother is "dramatic" or "weak."
I've tried being polite and respectful, but I still feel judged every time I'm around them.
My boyfriend has talked to them about their behaviour. I have also talked to them.
My SIL said she doesn’t want me around her at the moment. I just don’t know why. I see my MIL more than my own family. I give her gifts for mother’s day and her birthday. I work so hard for them to like me, but they just don’t.
So reddit… What should I do? Did I do something wrong?
I'd really appreciate honest advice.
Thanks for reading.
UPDATE
SMy BIL and his girlfriend of one year are also trying to get pregnant. My MIL is really excited about the possibility of them having a baby, but when we told her that we’re trying to conceive as well, she wasn’t excited at all. Instead, she started making excuses and warning us about how difficult having a baby is.
She even told me that I wasn’t ready to have children and that I wasn’t mentally healthy enough to be a mother.
What really bothers me is the double standard. My BIL struggled with drug addiction until about five months ago. I’ve never taken drugs, and I used to only drink wine on weekends. Since we started trying to conceive, I’ve stopped drinking altogether.
Yet somehow, his mother thinks I’m the one who isn’t ready for a baby.
I understand that having a child is a huge responsibility, and I’m not saying that my BIL can’t be a good father. But why is she so supportive of them while questioning our ability to be parents? It feels incredibly hurtful to be judged like this, especially when she seems to have no problem supporting their decision to have a child.
Honestly, I feel like my MIL is constantly judging me. It feels like she has already decided that I’m not good enough to be a mother, even though I haven’t done anything to make her think that. The fact that she’s so excited about my BIL having a baby but reacts so negatively when we talk about having one makes me feel like she sees me as the problem. I don’t know why she has such a different attitude toward us, but it really hurts and makes me feel like she doesn’t trust me or believe I could be a good mother.
I know I will be a good mother, and it hurts that she seems to think otherwise. I feel like she has already judged me without giving me a chance. I know nobody is a perfect parent, but I’m willing to learn, grow, and do everything I can to give my future child a loving and stable home. I just wish she would trust me instead of making me feel like I’m not good enough.
I'm really hurt.
What should I do?