Do I need my medication, or am I becoming dependent?
I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after high school. I had suspected it for years because my dad and brothers have it too, but I was in denial for a long time.
I was prescribed SA Ritalin, but for years I only took it for university exams. My prescribed dose was 20mg, but I usually took 10-15mg because I was nervous about it. It helped me study but I dreaded taking it as I didn’t really like how I felt on it.
After university, once I was working full-time and living out of home, I became more aware of how much ADHD affected my daily life - motivation, task initiation, focus, routines, cleaning, and staying organised.
I started taking Ritalin more often for work or life admin. Over time, I increased to my prescribed 20mg dose, and sometimes up to 30mg because I felt more tolerant. I became very productive, but I also noticed I was taking it more often - sometimes just to clean my room or on WFH days when I didn’t have much to do. I started looking forward to taking it, which worried me that I was becoming dependent or addicted - sometimes I felt as though as I chasing the initial 'high'. That said, I never craved it on weekends or while travelling.
I also began getting crashes, mood swings, and irritability when it wore off, so I stopped for about six months. I didn’t have major withdrawals and life was mostly fine, partly because my job was not very demanding, but some of the same ADHD struggles continued.
I then tried LA Ritalin (40mg) to avoid the “rush” and crash, which worked pretty well, but it affected my sleep and caused teeth grinding/tooth pain. I switched back to SA, which helped my sleep somewhat, but the tooth pain is still an issue. My psychiatrist is open to me trying other ADHD medications to avoid this. The tooth is pretty much only sore when I’m on the medication, and my dentist has cleared it of any dental issues. The persistent tooth pain has made me question whether I should stop taking medication entirely.
So I keep wondering: do I actually need medication, or have I become dependent on it? Is looking forward to it a red flag, or is that just wanting support for my symptoms? Should I try a lower dose again? Should I try a different medication?
I’m not looking for medical advice instead of my psychiatrist - I’m just hoping to hear from people who have dealt with similar concerns.