AITA for Getting upset at my disabled partner for almost losing her job.
I think i just need a bit more perspective or something because I am just so tired.
My partner (26F) and I (25F) have been dating for 5 and a half years now and engaged. My partner has cerebral palsy and currently works an physically demanding customer service job. Its at a hardware store and they will be having them haul concrete bags and doors. Its mild enough she can walk (albiet with a limp.) But she can walk and stand most of the day.
Though there has been a strong and consistant pattern of her refusing accomadations or taking care of herself and I was almost sure she was getting fired.
It really started several months ago with a tooth ache. She waited and waited to not get it checked out. I tried calling places for her to set up an appointment that took her insurance but she would just say its fine and not take it seriously. Until things came to ahead and the pain was so unbearable she had to get them pulled. She couldnt sleep at night and finally got an appointment scheduled for herself. However leading up to the surgery, she was in so much pain she just had to go home. I agreed and kept pushing her to talk to a manager about possibly excusing the absence so she could have some days off for post op.
We went back and forth and she eventually did and she did get the day excused. However when she came home she was mad at mendor pushing her to do that, she said she allready tried (which she never told me on the phone) and that I was very uncaring. I will admit i was very frusterated that her tooth got this bad without it getting looked at sooner, and that for whatever reason she wouldnt just talk to a manager. But she says she's really been hurt by it and can't let it go.
About a month or two later she was written up for her attendance. I didnt make a big of a fuss about it cause well, she had food poisoning and she really couldnt help it. She tried and didnt get the excuse but I told her I appreciate her trying.
I did however try to suggest that maybe it would be best to look into some kind of intermittent medical leave, because when she gets sick its not like everyone else, she has to deal with being sick On Top of her cerebral palsy which really isnt often feasible in the kind of customer service she does. My suggestions were largly ignored. During this time her disability plaqard has also run out, but she wont make a doctors appointment to get it renewed. Its been expired for several months now.
Fast forward to recently, she had started to get bouts of vertigo snd kept having to come home but didnt see a doctor after several weeks of occurances. The doctor suggested her a leave of absence for her vertigo. To her credit she did start the process rather wuickly and made an apointment as soon as she could.
But after that she just... didnt turn in the paperwork? It was sitting under our dirty clothes hamper. She said she didnt want to ask for a hand out others werent getting.
Well last night her vertigo came back, and even though she didnt submit her paperwork she tried to take a leave of absence. Her work app got completely wiped and I was pretty sure she just got fired.
Luckly she didnt it was just because that option creates indefinate leave (though im not convinced when hr comes back that she wont be fired.) But she got a talking to about taking that kind of leave without submitting it to hr.
Im trying to be sympathetic i really am its just hard. Like she will refuse to use a stool when she's cashiering, stand the whole day. She doesnt need to move that much and they are required to give her a stool! I think today marks the first time in like the month weve had her vertigo meds for her to take them.
All while shes telling me that im not being very gentle when she gets home and having way to high of standards because I ask her to communicate to her work about her needs or take any kind of preventative steps for literally anything.
I'd be fine if she told me she was just too disabled to do the kind of work she does, i even suggested that it seems really hard on her body and maybe she should go back to part time. Or hell ive told her if there comes a point you cant feasibly work anymore that I'd rake care of us. But instead its this weird limbo of wanting to work, but being to sore or ill to work, but not communicating with hr or management, but also she really wants to keep this job, and shes pretty sure I would leave her if she didnt have one.
Is there something unique to the disability experience im just not getting? I would like some other input.