My partner and I tried ENM last summer. Of course it started off great but then ended disastrously. We went to marriage counseling and really worked on ourselves and our marriage.
We were together for 23 years when we decided to try ENM. We got together when we were 19 and didn't have much experience with other people. We have teenage kids and lots of responsibilities. We hung out together and were always kind to each other but not realizing that we were acting more than roommates than lovers. We also found out we are both people pleasers so we wouldn't say what we really needed because we didn't want to upset the other person.
Not realizing that you are a people pleaser while trying ENM is a recipe for disaster. You are trying to appease multiple people and have a hard time setting boundaries. You end up upsetting everyone. We tried ENM for a little less than 3 months. It ended really badly.
We love each other and wanted to work on this. We went to marriage counseling which was incredible. We learned how to tell each other what we are feeling, even if it upsets the other person. We learned not to react defensively when these hard conversations come up. Our marriage has been amazing. Obviously there are still things that come up but we work through them together. We do weekly relationship check ins.
I am very grateful for where we are now. I wish we had done marriage counseling before trying ENM but you can't change the past.
This sub has been very informative but I haven't seen many couples post about staying together after ENM, poly, whatever and going back to monogamy. Anyone else have a similar experience?