I’m a 31-year-old woman working in a professional office environment. A male coworker (not my manager) has repeatedly made comments about my appearance in front of other coworkers, usually other women, and it’s always framed as “just joking” but it clearly feels meant to embarrass me.
To be clear, I don’t think he has some personal grudge against me (i guess) He will sometimes help me with other work, or share snacks or act friendly in normal day-to-day interactions. That’s part of why this has been so confusing.
Examples (paraphrased):
- In front of a female coworker Jennifer: “Of course Jennifer gets approached, she’s pretty. Why would anyone approach you?”
- More recently, in front of another female coworker Carol “Of course Carol gets picked by the boss, she’s pretty. Do you think they’d call on you?”
This has happened multiple times. It’s basically:
- compliment another woman’s looks
- then directly use it to put me down publicly
- and if I look uncomfortable, it’s “wow, can’t take a joke?”
I’m uncomfortable and angry about it. Honestly, if someone did this to my daughter at school, I’d be furious, and it’s making me realize it doesn’t feel right to “let it pass” just because it’s happening to me. I don’t want to normalize this.
I’m not looking for opinions on who’s attractive. I’m upset because it’s humiliating, unprofessional, and it’s becoming a pattern.
Questions:
- Am i being too sensitive to be upset about this?
- What’s the best calm, professional one-liner to shut this down in the moment?
- If you’ve dealt with this, what actually worked?