u/Hopeclanwarrior

Linking original post above.
Also I’m on mobile, so sorry about any formatting issues.

So some people did ask for an update, so here it is.

There is a lock on my door, I have a key and so does my mother, Son B is now at a wilderness camp.

Also to add additional info for Son A,and Son B, both kids are not biological related to my family, they are both foster kids that my sister and her husband had fostered for four years and ending up with adopting them. I will simply state that the primary reason the older sons have no social media is due to a no contact order per the courts.
Son B was also diagnosed with BPD, along with other mental illnesses.

So to begin with the conversation about adding a lock did not go over well originally. My father was furious about the idea he wouldn’t have control over his own home and my mother did not want to “embarrass and punish” my sister for her son’s actions. Things have changed though.

First off the visit. Older sons ended up not coming after all, along with BIL, due to the fact the that the day before, their washer broke and flooded a portion of their home. So BIL and the older boys ended up staying behind and did not come over at all. I can only attribute this as an act of God answering my prayers that they couldn’t come. Lock was not added at the time, and my sister and son C and girl A used my room for their stay.

Two months after that visit come to find out son B has stolen again, this time it was a cell phone he was allowed to use at BIL’s parents house. All cell phone privileges are now gone for son B.
And my parent’s argument that son B would never steal from his grandparents.

A few more months after that, Son B gets another phone from a classmate at school, creates social media which he is not supposed to have, gets caught again, and by now also has multiple documented incidents that he could be sent to Juvenile Detention.

My sister and BIL had tried every option they could think of for him, therapy, meds, interventions, which led to Son B’s current placement at a wilderness school. They did have to wait for an opening, which was finally made available last month. Last action he committed before being sent was stealing 30 dollars out of my sister’s wallet.

My mother, bless her, agreed to put a lock on the door after we found out about the theft from his grandparents. So it’s there now, my mother has a copy of the key and so do I.

Reddit thank you for not thinking I was crazy when I first posted, it was incredibly validating to hear that I was not over reacting, and many more stated that I was under reacting. And to the redditor who stated I had a spine of a wet noodle, you are not completely wrong, I have always bent over backwards when it comes to family, especially my parents. Giving up my space for another when someone came over had been a thing for all of us in my family since I was a kid, my sister would give up her space, my brother would give up his, and so on. It’s just how we were all raised.

Sorry if this became rather rambling, I just wanted to update those that commented and offered their advice and perspective. Thanks again Reddit!