Are you a mum?
I lost my firstborn, a baby girl, at 41weeks two months ago. I am currently on a hen do with some of my closest friends who all know and are so supportive, but there are people here I don’t know. This morning I was up early along with two other women I didn’t know, they were chatting and joking that they were up early as they were both mums, then one of them asked me ‘is that why you are up early, are you a mum?’ As you can imagine this was like a shot to my heart. My answer ‘I lost my baby girl 2 months ago’ produced silence and shock followed by murmurings of apology for my loss. But the truth is that I was up early because I am a mum, since losing my daughter I haven’t been able to sleep past 6am. So she is the reason I was awake, because once I wake up I cannot get back to sleep because I can’t stop thinking about her. So I am a mum just like them, and my daughter is the reason I was awake, just not in the same way they are up early for their children because they are woken up by them or need to get the house sorted prior to waking them. Writing this post has helped me realise this and although so upsetting I am proud of how I coped with this situation and this realisation. I know I will have to deal with this question again in the future and that still causes me worry but I feel this was a step in the right direction to coping with this. I don’t think it ever will ever get easier to respond but now I know I can try to find a way to show to myself that I am still a mother even though my baby is not here with me.