I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for a little over 4 years. He has a group of female family friends (around our age) that he’s extremely close with. He was recently an usher in one of their weddings.
For context, I’ve always felt a bit uneasy about these friendships. In the entire time we’ve been together, I’ve only met these girls once or twice. They’ve all been close since childhood and go on yearly vacations together. I’ve never been invited because they have a rule that only “wives and husbands” are allowed to go. No girlfriends or boyfriends.
Another important piece: because of both of our family histories with alcoholism, we agreed early on that we wouldn’t drink without the other person present (if at all).
After the wedding, he told me he was going back to his hotel room and going to sleep. I texted him goodnight and didn’t expect to hear from him until morning. Then, at 3 am, he texts me, “Sorry, I was at the bar with the bridal party.” I asked if he was drinking, and he said yes.
I was already upset because that broke our agreement, and I didn’t understand why he hadn’t said anything earlier. Then, at 6 am, he texts again, saying he had been with the bride (we'll call her Lauren) and another friend (we'll call her Layla) in his hotel room.
His explanation was that the groom had passed out drunk in their room, so the bride needed somewhere else to go and ended up in his room to throw up and stayed there. The other friend also joined them.
I was honestly shocked and really hurt. Not just because he broke our agreement and didn’t communicate, but because he spent the entire night with these girls I’ve already felt uncomfortable about for years.
When I called him to talk about it, he didn’t seem to think he had done anything wrong. He said he drank because everyone else was drinking, and he didn’t feel like he could say no to the bride and groom wanting to celebrate. He also said that staying up late with these girls wasn’t an issue and that the bride being in his room wasn’t a big deal, saying, “It’s just not like that.”
What’s also bothering me is that when we’re together on weekends, he usually wants me to leave by 10–12 so he can get good sleep. I can’t really remember a time when he wanted to stay up late just talking with me like that.
I don’t necessarily think anything happened, but I still feel really disrespected and upset. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid here. I do have a history of insecurity in relationships, which is something I’ve been actively working on. AIO?