How do you support a partner during ADHD sensory overload episodes without making it worse?
My boyfriend has ADHD and sometimes gets what I think are sensory overload episodes — usually when there’s too much noise, stress, people talking at once, plans changing suddenly, or he’s already mentally exhausted. During those moments he can become very irritable, shut down completely, snap at me, or need total silence and space.
I’m trying to understand how to support him better without overwhelming him further or accidentally escalating things. Sometimes I’m unsure whether to comfort him, give him space, talk calmly, stop talking entirely, help remove stimuli, etc. I also struggle with not taking it personally when he suddenly withdraws.
For those of you with ADHD, or those in relationships with someone who has it:
What actually helps during sensory overload?
What makes it worse even if well intentioned?
How do you tell the difference between needing comfort vs needing space?
Are there routines, phrases, or strategies that help de-escalate things?
I really care about him and want to respond in a way that’s supportive rather than unintentionally stressful.