I feel like this is a fairly simple one. My cousin 1+ years older than me, sexually assaulted me when I was 4 years old. Happened twice. WAS COMPLETELY SWEPT UNDER THE RUG. I believe that hurt more. Never an explanation or apologies.
Fast forward to current times..and im supposed to get a sigmoidoscopy without sedation next week. They prescribed me a small dosage of .5mg xanax which will do nothing to relax me. So even though my GI says I need it done, I honestly dont think I can without swinging on someone. If they restrained me, it'd be even more traumatic.
Here's the thing: it never came out. It was ignored, acted like it never happened. But I can't forget and it still affects me to this day.
I no longer want to bear this on my own. It shouldn't be my shame.
So, I wanna call out my family. My mom knows she screwed up, but unfortunately she will have to be a part of it. My mother and my Aunt covered it up. And years later I was told that my cousin that committed CSA on me, was molested.
I know life is not fair, but to see these people living their happy lives without a care about what happened to me..makes me sick. My therapist knows about the CSA I went through, but I have yet to explain to him the above statements.
Honestly, I don't know where to from from here. Any advice, suggestions, etc would be welcome.
And also, fyi, this "family" of mine live in another state.