We've been together 8 years, married almost 4. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage (20, 18, 16), he has none of his own, and we have none together. For the most part we have a peaceful home, my kids and I are very close, they get along with each other and my husband.
My husband and I argue quite a bit, but we also have a lot of fun together. My biggest issue is he wakes up in a terrible mood 99% of the time and is very moody. I wake up quite happy, or at least neutral. I mostly let him be these days, so that we can avoid tension and arguments. And when we're all home together, he gets broody and moody and micromanages things like chores and the tidiness of the house.
I strongly suspect he has undiagnosed ADHD, maybe some OCD tendencies. He smokes a lot of pot, but has been sober from alcohol for 6 years.
We had a nap today and he woke up in a terrible mood , headache, etc. and it just puts a damper on an otherwise good night, which is very triggering for me. I understand no one can be happy at all times, but it's a pattern, it happens 9 times out of 10. The kids notice and are annoyed by it often. I got upset with him and very pointedly told him that if he can't get his shit together, he just needs to go somewhere else. We just want to have a decent night.
I can't seem to just ignore it, or let him be in a bad mood. He will almost always come around, usually when he's had time alone and time to reflect after we've gone to bed, and he'll apologize or wants affection, and I just can't get over things so quickly. It's very up and down. I've tried so many different angles and it just always seems to be an issue.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer advice or tools?