u/HopefulCombination75

TW: death

I'm just wondering how it will be taken if I were to tell my therapist something I think i experienced regarding the passing of my grandma. I'm scared of sounding out of my mind :( is therapy even the place to discuss this? It has to do with grief too, right so idk 😭

In short, I had an encounter with a dragonfly in 2020 where I decided to rid all skepticism and imagined it landing on my knee, it did, then my finger.. it did. My toe, it did. Back to my knee.. it did. That HAD to be some sort of encounter or being in sync with nature.. idk. But I swear it happened and went on for too long to be coincidence.

Then the other night while listening to a song thats a conversation between the person who passed and the living person, the living refers to her as "dragonfly" and it felt like my brain made a connection that that was my grandma in 2020.. but she passed in 2023. There's more to the story, I'll post in comments if interested but I guess I just wonder if that was her because time is probably completely different on the other side. Does it just sound like hopefullness or do I sound silly? :/

There's a few parts to this, but stay with me lol.

In 2020 I had found myself trying to heal. Practicing mindfulness, meditation and breathwork every day, a lot of time in nature, etc. One day I was sitting on my deck just taking in the sun and saw a dragonfly. I'm a very skeptical person so I thought "What if I tried to be completely open and rid that notion?" I closed my eyes, like meditated for a bit and then imagined the dragonfly landing on my knee. Not long after.. the dragonfly landed on my knee. So then I imagined it landing on my finger... it landed on my finger. So I'm already like wtf, and imagine it landing on my toe (i believe i was sitting in a pretzel) and it did, back to me knee, it did. It went on too long to be coincidence. I KNOW that was some sort of weird "spiritual"/paranormal ​thing. 🐉

Fast forward to September 2023.. my grandma is home on hospice. 2/3 days before she passed, she was in a half-comatose state. One of those nights as she was sleeping, i held her hand and closed my eyes. Honestly hoping for some kind of contact, connection, message..whatever while "the veil is lifting" you know? "Nothing happened".

Last month I was up all night talking to a cousin I don't speak to very often. She asked if anything possibly paranormal every happened in the house since grandma died. I said no and that I was disappointed because when I was a kid, I would ask her to visit me after she passes. My cousin mentioned that time may be very different on the other side and we have no idea how or when they can manipulate energy ​to send a message. As well as maybe we might not be in a state where we are open to receiving.

The past few weeks, I've been back in a period of healing and getting over a lot of depression, anxiety, insomnia. Got back to meditating, had reiki done on me for the first time, made some big decisions to facilitate change and healing... Two nights ago I was listening to music on my laptop which I never do. Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens (the song is a back and forth between someone who passed and a person who is still alive) comes up on the side which I haven't heard in a while. It's playing, I start tuning in and reading the lyrics around

"Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles

The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?

Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light"

As soon as I read "Do you find it all right, MY DRAGONFLY?" I got flooded so quickly and hit harder with emotions than ever in my life. Instantly it was like my brain connected dots that the dragonfly from 2020 was my grandma (or maybe she sent it?) Never felt an emotion ao strong in my life. I thought I might be sick. I continued reading the lyrics, balling.. and I felt like I was being spoken to "Why do you cry? Make the most of your life, while it is rife, while it is light". I've not been in a good place and had felt for a long time like I wasted the last years of my 20s.

I went to grab a framed photo of my grandma to put on my bedside table, got sidetracked and looked in her jewelry box. The first thing I pullout is a charm bracelet with an engravement that reads "To our eternal love" (from my grandpa) But still felt like it was a message from her. ​​​

So this might sound crazy.. I'm not saying I 100% think this but I wondered after thinking of what my cousin said about 1. Time being different on the other side 2. We dont know how/when they could manipulate energy 3. Us being ready to receive.. what if the time i meditated while holding my grandma's hand while she was in a comatose state nearing death, acted as a bridge between moments? To me meditating before the dragonfly landing on me? Am I completely out of my mind, just being hopeful or what?

Also, I realize the song is going to resonate with a lot of people and like... they're just lyrics. So my logical brain 🙄 is fighting my woo-woo brain. But i think it's the fact that the time i was in sync with the dragonfly ACTUALLY happened and I've not knowm wtf that was but have not questioned that it was SOMETHING... it had to be. It went on for too long to all have been coincidence that it flew over to every place I imagend it to before it even left the last.

I'll add, I have other experiences where I've know things would happen. Peace would come over me, I'd have a "knowing" and then the event would take place. I sometimes feel intuned with the natural world and feel a little psychic or something lol. This, idk.

Thoughts?