I feel disgusting
I am 21F and I recently hooked up with a guy I kind of know from my hometown. He is 19 but almost 20, unsure if that matters. I feel absolutely destroyed and completely disgusted with myself. I am not inexperienced so it's strange to me I am so upset and regretful about it. We were both drunk and it was after a night out. However, he was very forceful and creepy. I obviously knew we were going to have sex/adjacent activities, but he was using very vulgar language I was uncomfortable with. He was very aggressive and borderline violent and there are areas around my ribs/neck that are painful to touch. He ordered me around multiple times in a very gross manner and it made me feel disgusting. If I disagreed, he would try and make me do them or convince me otherwise. Because it was so late and I was drunk, I would just agree because it felt easier and I pretended everything was fine. I got up to leave and he was trying to force me to stay and begged me to do more things. He asked me sit down and say goodbye to him, and I finally complied to just make him stop, he tried to grab me and segue into other activities. I was horrified and got up to leave AGAIN and he acted like I was being insanely rude. I had a long drive the next morning and at that point would be getting ~3 hours of sleep and I told him I absolutely had to go home. We were at my friend's house about a block away from me, he tried asking me to sleep over or to let him come to my house, and when I refused he tried to pull me back down and remove my clothes. I snatched up my stuff and left and he tried to follow me through the house naked and grab me! After I left, he sent me multiple gross texts about what he'd "do to me" when I got back from my trip (I left on read) and proceeded to STAY at my friend's house and made so much noise doing God knows what that he got her in trouble with her parents! I can't seem to get past this right now and I don't know what to do. I know he has probably told his friends and people I know, and I feel so disgusted with myself and my body and I just wish this never happened. I can't even think about sex in any capacity without feeling awful. I blocked him on everything. I couldn't even tell my friends that this happened. I don't know how to feel about this. Does anyone have any advice? I'm not even sure if this classifies as assault because I felt like I just let this happen.