Years of being told to lose weight before I was finally diagnosed with PCOS
Hi, and first of all, I’m sorry this is going to be such a long post, but I can’t keep swallowing this anymore.
I was already bullied in kindergarten because I could read at that age and because I was more of the quiet type. It continued throughout my entire time at school, no matter how often I changed classes, until eventually someone at work tried to beat me to death.
When I was 16, I was living in a childrens home, and had a fever of 106.7°F. One of the caregivers called the family doctor in a panic, and apparently all he said was that they should keep giving me activated charcoal tablets. Nothing else.
When I was 21, I was trying to have a child and it just wasn’t happening. My gynecologist simply told me to keep a damn period calendar. He knew I had cysts, and he also knew that I had developed problems with my periods after stopping birth control, because for more than a year I only got my period once every three months and kept going back to him because of it.
Eventually I got sick of it and went to another gynecologist because I wanted my hormones tested. At the time, I was 5'8" and weighed about 185 lbs. All he told me was that I should lose weight first, and then they could test my hormones.
I gave up.
I knew something wasn’t right with me, because I had always been physically stronger, even stronger than the boys in my class. I rode my bike and walked more than 18 miles a day combined. I ate one warm meal a day and otherwise nothing. I had been used to having neither breakfast nor dinner for a long time. And despite all of that, I slowly kept gaining more and more weight.
When I started bleeding one day and it simply wouldn’t stop, I was 27 and weighed about 214 lbs. That was when I was finally told I had PCOS.
Even the endocrinologist should have known better, but blamed everything on my weight. When I asked the new gynecologist whether the PCOS could be treated, all she said was, “Yes, once you’ve lost weight.”
Even though PCOS itself can contribute to weight gain.
I gave up.
The only doctor who was actually good was the one who realized, when I was 17, that my bones and joints were already damaged and nobody knew why. It turned out I had a severe vitamin D deficiency and had probably had it for a very long time. And despite that, I still rode my bike and walked that much every day because I enjoyed it.
Now I’m over 30, I weigh even more, and my bones and joints are damaged. And if I had to sum up my life, I could say that an unbelievable number of doctors, as well as people at school and at work, seemed to think that I didn’t deserve to live, to exist, or to be happy.
My life is lost.
But if my life has had even one purpose, then I hope someone sees this post, recognizes herself in it, and finds the strength to keep fighting at the point where I gave up.
If a doctor tells you to “just lose weight,” don’t simply accept that as the end of the conversation. Find another doctor if you have to.
Don’t let other people tell you that it is your fault if you can’t have children or if you have PCOS. Find a doctor who takes you seriously and is willing to help you.
I was alone. Nobody helped me understand what was wrong with me. Eventually they finally figured it out, but then nobody wanted to treat it.
If this helps even one woman keep fighting, then my life wasn’t completely useless.
And maybe someone can also tell me what I can do so I don’t keep thinking about how people and doctors treated me like I was worthless for so many years.