Lately I’ve been feeling completely defeated.
Starting with this :
Recently I’ve tried so hard to crack interviews. I study, prepare, work on projects, and keep trying again after every rejection, but when the actual interview happens, I struggle to explain myself properly. It feels like my mind just freezes, and then I walk out feeling like I ruined another opportunity.
What hurts more is that I genuinely wanted to do good in life. Since I was young, my mother always taught me to help people and be kind. I used to think I would grow up and do something meaningful for others.
I was also bullied a lot when I was younger. I was never the confident or popular person. Even then, I always tried to stay genuine and treat people well. I’ve never liked cheating people or using others for personal gain. In fact, I usually end up doing extra for people, helping more than I should, being available when others need me but somehow I still end up getting hurt or left behind.
I’ve also dealt with loneliness for a long time. I had a close friend once, but we drifted apart even though I was real with him. I’ve faced rejection in relationships too, and after a point it starts feeling like maybe you’re just not enough for anyone or anything.
Sometimes I even feel guilty for getting interview opportunities because I think maybe someone more deserving could have used them better. Felt like I'm a complete failure.
I know this post sounds negative, but I just wanted to say it somewhere honestly because I’m tired of pretending I’m okay all the time. Deep down I still want to become someone who does good for people and makes my parents proud, but right now I just feel lost and exhausted. I always feel like my parents deserves a better child!
I know this post may come across as childish, and I also understand that some parts may not be directly related to this community. Still, I wanted to share a few things I’ve been carrying within myself for a long time. I’m sorry if this feels out of place. Any advice, thoughts, or support would genuinely mean a lot to me.