I need to Give up Already
I'm a 22M, most of my life has just been a wreck. I lost my dream job a bit over 3 years ago due to medical issues, I lost my dream girl shortly after. Since then I have been working a dead end job, and trying to get out of this hole I'm in. My entire life I have dealt with depression and anxiety, and a few years ago I was diagnosed with an Adjustment Disorder (In changes cause a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression).
But whenever I make a friend it's always constant talking for awhile, then distance always builds quickly once they find someone better, it's with that with every friend, I'm just a someone that people use until they find someone better, I constantly find myself unable to sleep, with my brain spiraling, which just makes the next days worse, and worse.
Also, I have been going to therapy for a bit under 3 years, which my therapist helps, just I forget and get distracted when talking to my therapist, so I just end up leaving out a bunch of important things, and having a therapist is great, just every day of the week besides the day I can talk to my therapist is just hell.
I'm always depressed, I try, and I try so hard to be happy, but I get abandoned, and then I get bored of my hobbies, then I'm alone with my thoughts for hours on end, and it just destroys me.
I try getting people gifts, and showing my appreciation for them by letting them know I'm there for them. I try to be thoughtful, I really do try, but nothing is ever enough for anyone.
I'm just done with it all, the never ending pain, the hopeless nights, and the heartbreaking abandonment.
I think about ending it all, several times a week, I have been told by people before that I should end it all, and that I'm worthless, and I just feel like when enough people have said it so many times, then maybe I should just commit to it.
IDK, I want help, I want to be better, but I know I'll never be better.