My wife and I (we’re in our early to mid 30s) live in a home with our 3 kids (all under 7) and my father in law (prob mid 50s).
Let me start in somewhat chronological order for this.
A good few years ago I moved from a state away to be with my wife. Unfortunately she lived with her dad and he made great money. Not rich but VERY comfortable money. So we all lived there and he covered the rent. We did that for maybe 2 years (3 at most). Which helped me establish a job up here and get my footing. I’m very grateful for that.
Eventually my wife and I moved out and got an apartment for a couple years. We both worked and paid our bills. Her dad lived in the same house and paid all his bills. Life was a lot easier.
One day she became pregnant and Covid was starting and her dad asked us to live with him again to save some money. I didn’t want to, but I put down my pride and we moved into his home. He still had a great job and covered the rent. We had the kid. Paid our own bills etc etc.
So later our rent went up and she became pregnant again with twins this time (Yes we’re done). And we all decided to move. So we moved a little farther out and rented a house for little over what the old house’s rent was. We established that we’d all split the rent down the middle. Made sense having a larger home and taking pressure off both parties.
It went pretty well for about a year. Then my father in law lost his job. We couldn’t afford the rent and bills in this house by ourselves. We went into overdrive selling stuff.. side jobs.. etc just to make it work for a bit. I didn’t mind at first cause I felt bad he lost his job. But as time went on… he didn’t try to get another job. He just sat in the basement and self pity for over a year. After owning a business, he was pretty turned off by the idea of working for someone- which I get. But also we were really struggling. Keep in mind we’re feeding all 3 kids and him. He’s also a heavier set dude so a peanut butter and jelly ain’t gonna cut it for him. At one point I even had to take out a loan to get us somewhat stable for him losing his job. I debating on getting a second job. However I had a debate with myself that I wouldn’t get a second job cause he won’t get ONE. Kinda put my foot down on pride there I guess.
If I were him- the second I would have lost my job I would have been looking for another. First off being broke sucks, secondly the obligation to keep our home structured so we call all survive under one roof and don’t get evicted. Even if he was bringing in $200 bucks a month… I would have been fine cause I would have seen that he’s TRYING. But nope, just thought too highly of himself to work a normal job. Zero money.
After 2 years tops- he got a job but it’s pretty much sub-contract stuff and the pay is extremely inconsistent. And on top he’s terrible with money. He doesn’t really go blow it on stupid shit… but he spends it all on fast food and tools for a job he already has because he’s too lazy to look for the ones he misplaced in the garage. It’s like by the time he gets paid…he’s broke again. He might pay rent every 3 months on time so I keep having to find a way to make that to compensate. I’ve even taken out more loans for get the rent paid cause he’ll be two months behind and we just can’t afford it. We’ve been living here for almost 5 years now.
I also can’t get my labors worth out of him. If I was like ‘hey man do the dishes or clean the house’..like some kind of compensation for not paying bills. But he doesn’t do ANYTHING. We fed him almost every time he’s home- we stopped- but now he just eats whatever he wants of our food or even my kids snacks. With the economy being way WAY worse. It’s been harder to keep the food on the table. So there times he’ll eat the last bag of chips and my kids won’t have any so I’ll have to go the store asap. Even if I gotta hit the sofa cushions, I find a way. He doesn’t pay his phone bill either so I’ve been covering that too. He’s just been a super mooch and I’m pretty fed up with it. Zero contribution to the household. Ironically he does do his own laundry. Even when I bring it up to my wife she’s just like ‘that’s my dad’. He’s never done dishes so why would he start now. Etc etc. She DOES stand with me.. but also knows he’s lazy as shit and won’t change.
Some of my friends are telling me to kick him out.. but that won’t really help either way cause I’ll still be out of his portion of rent money. And he doesn’t pay his half maybe once every 3 months. I don’t really want to kick him out, however I am extremely tired of living with him. Next time we move I told my wife- he must get his own place. However, I can NOT afford to move. We live paycheck to paycheck if THAT. Kids definitely change the dynamic. We even skip meals sometimes.
So what it all boils down to is my morality on the whole situation-
I understand we lived with him for a few years and he covered our rent for free. I’m still VERY grateful for that. But he also made GREAT money to where he could do that and he not even sweat it.
But now.. we’ve been STRUGGLING for years and he’s living with us rent, bills, and food free. And it just feels like a huge anchor holding us down. It’s to the point where we’ve been struggling with him longer than we used to live comfortably with him. It’s overweighted the grace that he once gave us and somehow keeps getting worse and worse. If I were in his shoes - I couldn’t stand seeing my daughter, her husband, and grandchildren living like that! I would find a way to make things work. But he just doesn’t and doesn’t seem to care.
What advice would you have in this situation? I’m struggling for ANY kind of consistency in my home. Being the ‘man of the house’ I feel responsible for everything happening and I gotta say I feel like it’s all spiraling out of my control. I just feel my wife and kids deserve a better life than us all dealing with this financial stress and life style.
Any advice?
Also this is my first Reddit post ever so sorry if it’s worded weird or whatever.
Thanks in advance