u/Horizon96

As the Title reads, it was my buddy Indie, our almost 15-year-old Border Collie, on Saturday, and my beloved cat Evie on Monday. I'm devastated about both of them.

Indie, we knew, was nearing the end. He was diagnosed with Kidney disease last year and was given 6-12 months to live, and he almost made it that full 12 months. But knowing this didn't really make it hurt any less. He'd been with us for a decade and a half, and he was part of the family. I loved him dearly. One of the things my sister and I did the most together was take him out on a nice, long walk around a nearby park or fields. I feel so much for her. He was her very best friend; he would wait by the door for her to come back from work every night, and she would have given the world for him.

Evie was my cat. I got her as a kitten, and she was 12 when she passed. She had health issues all her life, from severe allergies, had an awkward diet because of this, had to be brushed and kept an eye on regularly. She was awkward to get in at night sometimes, wanting to stay outside for multiple days at a time, then other times would not leave my room for days on end. She was a pain in the butt, but she was my pain in the butt, my everything.

Her passing came as a shock; she seemed a bit lethargic for a few days, but with her history of health issues, that wasn't anything too instantly shocking, but then she took a turn for the worse. Struggling to breathe, left her food that day, which she would never do. So we took her to the vets, and her heart was in failure. I couldn't believe it, not even two full days after losing Indie, I had to say goodbye again. Sat in the same room at the vets as I was with Indie when his time came, I was sitting with my Evie, cradled in my arms. I told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was.

I have had severe struggles with my mental health, being actively suicidal a few years ago, and every day when I woke up, without the energy to leave my bed or room. She sat with me, she slept on a pillow next to mine, as she had all her life, and she offered me strength and comfort. She might have been a cat, but she was always there for me. She's one of the reasons I'm still here to type this. So when her heart broke, mine did too. I just really fucking miss her. I wish I could just hold her one last time. She would sit on my shoulder or my lap whenever I was at my desk, and it feels so empty sitting there now without her. If I think for just a second, I can still feel her there.

It's too much, and it's too hard at the moment; I can't stop myself from crying if I let my mind wander for even a second. I've been trying to distract myself with video games and movies, and a visit to the zoo where my friend works yesterday. But they both can't stop crossing my mind. I'm in tears as I write this, and it's just gone 2 am, and I can't sleep. I just wish I could tell them again how much I loved them both. I just can't pull it together.