Idk if this the right place to ask this but i have never felt truly present in the world. I'm always lost in my thoughts and then occasionally I'm painfully aware of my own existence and how nothing makes any sense and it feels terrifying.
Like suddenly I become aware I'm surrounded by billions of others and that I'm this little speck in this ginormous world and I look around me and see all the things other people have created and I'm so overwhelmed.
Logic tells me that every one of these humans must be as complex as I am inside but I can't, even after 29 years, seem to properly believe it.
I either feel like it's only me and my family who exist, or that everyone else exists but me.
I can't relate to people because I don't understand if they're real how they don't seem to constantly freak out about the fact that they're alive and don't have endless questions as to why they're here. I can't read their thoughts, I can only guess what it's like to be them. I don't see them in private, I only see strangers having everyday, surface level conversation.
I don't even feel I fully know my own family. It's scary. I feel very trapped in my own body and mind.