WIBTA / scalawag for not wanting to be in my long term friend’s bridal party?
My friend "Sarah" (25F) and I were roommates for four years in college and are still friends however she is really busy now and keeps flaking on plans but for understandable reasons so it’s hard to be mad:/ We live in the same state. After graduation, I got married. I am environmentally conscious, hate "wedding culture," and wanted a low-budget, sustainable wedding, completely DIY by myself and my many sisters.
For my bridesmaids, I expected almost nothing they didn’t offer to do/ask if they could help with. And I offered to pay if anyone had money constraints. Sarah (who was my MOH) didn't do great, something she actually admitted to me afterward. I feel bad thinking that but I told her she could decline the roll if she thought it wouldn’t be fun, bad for her mental health, or just wanted to be a guest.
Sarah and her boyfriend are currently both in higher education; tight stipends, so they aren't engaged yet because of money, but I know engagement is their long-term plan.
Right now, I am serving as an out-of-state bridesmaid for another girl, "Emily." I only knew Emily for two months because of Sarah when Emily was briefly living in our state and working with Sarah. Emily is way too nice, and when she moved away and got engaged, she asked me to be a bridesmaid.
DUMB OF ME, it was the only wedding I’d be asked to be in beside my eldest sister and said yes before really thinking about it.
I didn't find out until later that she has zero in-state people in her bridal party. I'm pretty sure I was only invited so Sarah (who is also in it) would have someone she knows there.
I deeply regret saying yes to Emily. The stress, travel, and financial drain are exhausting. Because of my environmental views, I am heavily struggling with all the plastic and single-use expenses Emily is making us buy—like synthetic, polyester getting-ready robes just for pictures. Luckily, I found the exact polyester bridal website dress she wanted on eBay to avoid buying new, but the overall waste and cost are making me miserable. Sarah knows exactly how much I regret this.
My mom didn’t raise a quitter but someone who makes mistakes and makes different choices later. I also know Emily is to nice and if I expressed any discomfort about being in the party she would do anything to make it better and go against her own wishes. Plus, I don’t know her that well and Sarah says it would really hurt her for me to drop out. I personally wouldn’t want someone who feels the way I do in my wedding party but I understand she doesn’t feel that way.
I’ve made a personal rule that I will not be a bridesmaid again, except for my sisters.
Even though Sarah's wedding is a while away, I already know I do not want to be in her bridal party. Because she was my MOH, I know she will expect me to return the favor. However, I just want to attend as a guest
WIBTA if I tell her no when she eventually asks me?