Even when people say they understand autism… they don’t.
I’ve been struggling a bit with my mental health lately. My son has been more hyperactive and harder to manage these past few days/weeks, and just when I feel like we’re making progress in one area, something else comes up.
This morning, a close family member who spends time with him and understands our daily life sent me a video that honestly threw me off emotionally. I feel pretty down, so I just needed to vent somewhere that might understand.
It was a video about a father of an autistic child who was nonverbal and now supposedly speaks fluently like a neurotypical child. The video promoted a virtual event explaining “how he did it.” This was actually the second time I’ve received it—the first time I ignored it when a friend sent it, but this time it was from a close family member, so I felt like I had to respond.
I told them I’ve seen this video before and I don’t want to keep seeing it, because I’m pretty sure anything it claims is something I’ve already looked into or tried in some form. I also told them my son is his own person and has his own path. If anything has helped me through this journey, it’s learning not to compare him to other children.
Just because one child in a video is autistic and later becomes very fluent doesn’t mean that’s everyone’s outcome.
I wasn’t angry, just really frustrated. Because even if it’s not meant in a bad way, it feels like people are implying that a 15-second video is going to “fix” something I’ve been working on for 6 years.
And I just wish I could say: do you know how much I’ve done, researched, and given up over these years to support my son? Do you know how many nights I’ve stayed up trying to learn and understand? Do you really understand autism beyond videos like this?
I know there’s no bad intention, but it still feels unfair to me and to him. It feels like they don’t fully accept his reality and think there’s a quick fix for something that is anything but quick.