u/HorrorFan5565

So I’m really struggling with something.
Please note I’m 25f and my bf is 29m and we have been together for 7 months.
My current partner is my first boyfriend (I had a long-term girlfriend before), and I’ve been dealing with a lot of jealousy about his past. We talked before about his ex-girlfriends (he had 3 serious relationships), and honestly that felt… fine? Like, not a huge number. He told me about those relationships and why they ended, and it actually made me feel more secure.
I don’t see myself as very experienced, but he constantly reassures me that he has the best sex of his life with me. Our sex life is genuinely amazing.
At the beginning of our relationship, he was fascinated by the fact that he’s my first boyfriend. He even called me a “virgin” (even though I was in a relationship with a woman before), and seemed kind of proud that he was the first guy I kissed, etc.
Recently though, he was talking about his friend who has a body count of 200+ women, and somehow the conversation shifted. I asked him about his own body count. At first he didn’t want to tell me, which made me suspicious. I kept asking, because he always describes himself as a romantic person and says sex is about connection for him. So in my head, I assumed his number was 4 (including me).
Eventually he told me, saying he didn’t want me to spiral. His number is 15.
And ever since then I can’t get it out of my head.
I feel… smaller? Less special? I don’t even know how to describe it. Then I asked how many people he’s kissed, and he said around 35. I’ve kissed 2 people total, including him.
Now I feel weirdly “behind” or like things are unfair. Part of me even has this intrusive urge to hook up with other people or kiss others just to “even things out,” which I know is probably not healthy.
I’m not shaming him, I guess I just feel silly about being jealous and not enough.