I found someone really sweet, and I think my Past is gonna mess me up too much to continue to date her
6 month ago I was raped by a friend of mine
And I also have a history of being sexually abused in the past as a kid, teen, and adult
I think I process things really slowly.And I have a harder time figuring out i'm in bad situations because of it a lot of things I didn't even realize ware assault or abuse until later or when other people have told me it was
I have a weird issue where I don't feel anything about it, but it comes out when i'm doing Sexual things to myself usually, leading to a lot of disassociation and weird feelings
I started dating a few weeks ago and I found someone really sweet and I really like her a lot we have not had sex yet but we have texted each other explicitly and when i try to have fun my head gose other places and i feel super guilty for admitting this, but it kills my feelings
For her and she has done nothing wrong
Usually, my feelings come back within a day or two but I feel so bad
The texting is consensual and its all fun in games till its my turn to do things to myself ill think im gonna be fine
But then I always think to hard and start disassociating i'm getting bad thoughts about my past
Ive told her this and she is understanding But im scared its gonna affect my relationship with her
Im not sure what to do