Hello, I need advice on this situation and is what I am doing okay?
Me F20 and my boyfriend M23 have been together for almost 2 years.
I think looking back we had overall a good relationship with some arguments but we were never toxic to one another and respected each other.
About 2 months ago, I was using his computer and ended up finding his porn folder. Out of curiousity I started looking through, and ended up finding a deep fake of a mutual friend.
I confronted him about this and wanted an explanation. At that moment he was surprised and had no clue. I wasn't happy with that, and said that I wouldn't speak to him until he gave me an explanation.
Some days after, he explained that he went through everything but couldn't give me proof or a plausible explanation of why it was there. What he did tell me, was that he has a porn addiction and due to suicidal thoughts, his escape was watching porn. He also explained that he did access some websites on deep fakes and even made an account, but had never made a deep fake himself. And that the screenshot of the mutual friend (also girlfriend of his friend) used in the deepfake (that was in his computer) was just to just show someone who his friend's girlfriend was.
(Also note that he deleted the deepfake)
Anyhow, after that, I tried to continue the relationship, and give him one more chance. This is since I felt that there were a lot more pros that outweighed this issue. Since overall I saw that he was a good partner... Except this.
However, this led to me overthinking a lot, and question that he might be lying. So, I decided to break up and stopped the relationship but gave him the opportunity to work on himself and that we could try to rekindle.
After a month of not talking, he messaged me to meet. Where he explained that he applied for therapy, that now whenever he gets those suicidal thoughts, he isn't looking at porn but finding more productive things to do.
I decided to try again, and during this time I still see him as a good partner. He listens to me and validates my feelings of hurt and betrayal. I've also requested of potentially going to couple's therapy and he is also completely okay with that.
And I just don't know what to do. The thoughts are still there circling, what if he is lying?
I really want to try to work things out, because I do see him as a really good partner and he's really trying to support me. But the thought keeps fearing me that he might be lying to me. And I really prioritise honesty in my relationship, since I've been a completely open book with him.
Is what I am doing okay? Is giving him a chance okay to do?