6 months post service and I feel like I can’t be normal.
Always on edge.
Constant overwhelming anxiety.
Lost my support system.
Deep state of depression.
Can’t sleep for shit./
Some notes that I have realized I do myself, I can’t speak for other veterans but —>
Problem appears → run it through a threat-and-efficiency model → output the most direct solution → explain the logic → the other person goes silent or pushes back → my brain reads their resistance as “they’re not getting it, people could die over this” → push harder → connection collapses.
^
This is the process.
I am solution-first oriented because my mind is telling me if said problem doesn’t get fixed fast, bad things happen, people die and its your @$$ if no one else takes responsibility and acts quickly.
*Compartmentalization is necessary for our survival.
*Time urgency on everything is SAFE.
*Very dark humor is necessary so you don’t feel the reality of what just blew your friends up.
*Brevity is necessary for clear concise communication.
*Mission-focused never emotionally involved.
That how my brain was rewired in the armed forces.
Civilians could see this as dismissive, aggression, disrespect, cold, transactional, standoff-ish, controlling, anti-social, robotic, condescending, rude, inflexible, controlling about our plans.
And it’s not our fault. 🥲