u/HorseEasy5818

I’ve been friends with (fake name) Lily since like 7th grade. we’ve known each other since kindergarten but we only really became friends in middle school. we got along so easily, we had the same humor and always wanted to hangout in and outside of school. And for about two years we got along great. But one day, in 8th grade I think it was, something awful happened in m family. I won’t say anything else about i, but I will say it was really bad. Bad enough that it put me in a deep depression. my sister and I took some time off school to just mentally recover fr what happened. my first day back to school wasnt fun and I snapped at one of my classmates and ended up kinda cussing them out. Wasn’t there fault I was just not in a good mental state at the time. After class lily asked me what was going on, I’m a very bubbly, happy and optimistic person, so my sudden disappearance, and mood change was jarring. I confided in her and told her everything, almost in tears while talking about it. I didn’t know what I wanted from her, maybe just a shoulder to cry on, maybe just have someone to listen to me, but when I was finished she just told me, ”well everything will be alright.” And ran off to go talk to her boyfriend. I had never really gone to someone with an issue up to this point in my life. I was always just under the idea that it was my problem and no one else would really care, and at the time this one moment cemented that idea into me. The one person who I thought I could count on to always be there for me, the person I always tried to be there for, just didn’t care.

The next year she ended up moving out of state. we tried to keep in touch but long distance relationship are hard, even for our friendship. Months later she came back to visit, it was nice, at first. Her first day back She asked for a ride out to the baseball game that her boyfriend was playing at. we We’re both able to drive but her car was 15 hours away. we go down there, say hi and I honestly don’t remember the rest of that day. I think we hung out with some other friends but I can’t say for sure. She was there for two weeks. I only got to see her three times. The second time I got to see her, if memory serve, was three or four days before she had to leave. She invited me over to her mom’s place, and when I got there her boyfriend was there. At this point i was still on good terms with him so I didn’t mind, besides she wasn’t there to just see me so it completely made sense. when her mom and aunt left we had the house to ourselves so we migrated to the living room. But while we were out there they were just making out the whole time and lily would every now and then look over to me, laugh and say, poor Mike (fake name). Later they said they would be back and went to the bathroom together. Later I found out they were taking selfies Together. After a couple minutes of sitting there waiting I just said to he’ll with and told them nicely that I was heading home, they both laughed at me on my way out. the next day I think it was, she asked to hangout and told me to invite one of my other friends so he could bring his vapes. Almost all my friends smoked except me. I don’t remember that day either really.

she came down last year I think for 4th of July and she texted me and invited me the lake with her family for fireworks. I felt like such a terrible person but I didn’t want to go see her, I didn’t want to go hangout with her and her family. so I made up a lie about how I wasn’t able to come down. It was just a text but I could tell that it hurt her that I wasn’t going. It didn’t feel good for me either but I just couldn’t muster up the will to go. we did hangout the day before she left the state but it was short and we didn’t really talk much, honestly I blame that on myself. I was really just talking the whole time about everything that had happened in town since last she was here so id Say I was just yapping to much for her to even talk.

(to clarify this all takes place within the 7 years since we first became friends.)

now she’s coming back next month to visit, her mom told me when I ran into her at my brothers party a couple months back. she hasn’t told me anything about it so I don’t know if she intends to surprise me or if she knows her mom told me, or if she doesn’t intend to try and hangout with me at all.

the reason I’m making this post really, is to ask y’all if I’m justified in thinking that I should just stop trying in this friendship and just move on, or if I’m just over reacting and that I’m the problem.

this post is kinda long and is probably missing some details and context so I’m sorry about that, but if you have any questions just ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability