After going through years of hell and long-suspecting I was clinically depressed, I was recently formally diagnosed and prescribed medication.
A lot of my depression stems from the usual suspects, but the part that nobody knows (I've never told a soul) is that a lot of it is from deep-rooted sexual shame. I've long struggled with intense shame, disgust, and hatred over my frequent sexual urges. I've come to quite hate my mind and body for so constantly being preoccupied with sex and romance. Almost all the times I've been close to suicide it's been because I've faced an overwhelming disgust and hatred of myself over sexual fantasy or masturbation I've engaged in.
All this in mind, I was very disappointed then when my doctors specifically mentioned how the anti-depressant I'm now prescribed has little to no sexual side effects.
Believe me, I've tried to hard, year after year, to amend my relationship with lust. Ultimately though, I can't stop being horny and I can't stop hating myself for it. At this point, I simply want to curb my libido. It'd honestly do so much for my mental health if I could just cease having sexual thoughts, or just have less of them.
My current medication is... alright, I guess. Good days and bad days, as it tends to go. So, my question is, should I intentionally ask to change medication to an SSRI, just for the sexual dysfunction it can cause? I'd likely have to obfuscate or lie to my doctor--I doubt that saying I essentially would prefer being chemically castrated would be condoned--but I think it could be really beneficial for me. I yearn so intensely to be less interested in sex and to stop feeding into this shame and disgust that kills me, and I think taking an SSRI could really help me.
Anyways, I hope that this makes sense and I welcome any insight or perspective. Thank you kindly and have a good day.