How do I handle constant backbiting around me?
Unfortunately, in my extended family, backbiting and gossiping are extremely common and I really dislike being around the people who do it. Sometimes I’ll be sitting with my aunties, uncles and cousins or we’ll have people over at my house, and they’ll just start gossiping about other people’s problems and backstabbing them.
I know we’re encouraged to leave but when it’s happening in my own house, it’s quite impossible to just get up and walk away.
I know why they do it. In my opinion only unhappy, bitter or jealous people gossip and backbite others. You have to have a mean heart to talk about others behind their backs and act nice to their face. I try to make dua for them.
But I also know that in Islam we should advise people in private, which I think I’ll find hard to do especially advising every single one of my extended family members who do it. But the prophet saw also said: ‘Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; and if he cannot, then with his heart, and that is the weakest of faith’.
Backbiting is evil, right? So when I’m in a gathering, can I just advise everyone in one go and tell them the consequences of backbiting, for example the Qur’an verse and what happens to backstabbers on the day of judgement.
I did speak up once in the past and defended the person they were talking about and everyone told me to shut up. I haven’t said anything since.
But now I don’t know how to stop it, especially when I can’t leave. So sometimes I just sit there quietly and go on my phone. I really struggle to be around these individuals.