So, I am a 32(f). I joined the gym last year after a separation with my husband (he cheated on me). I met a guy 58(m) who also trains at the gym. I told him my story and because he’s been divorced twice and we got on really well and started to train together occasionally. Then he started coming to all of my training sessions so by October and November he would train with me all of the time.
In November - we ended up sleeping together a few times and I definitely was into it - but I was (and still am ) heart broken over my marriage and told him I felt vulnerable. In December I told him it had to stop and I just wanted to be friends.
I’ve already had to set out some rules about only messaging me 3 times because it gets overwhelming. But he’ll then message on Instagram or LinkedIn.
For instance, I let him use my phone and told him my password. But then he wanted to write it down. I told him not to, and then he started writing a code (ie a = 1 b = 2) to remember my password.
When I’ve said about boundaries he’s said how much he loves me and how I make him feel and he says he wants to push the boundaries.
It’s now the end of April, and in the last few weeks he’s said “I love you” “we can just be friends” and offered sex.
But when I go to the gym he’ll park next to me, or always try and walk from my car or walk to the car when I leave. I’ve said I don’t like it, but he still does it.
I feel like some of this is my fault because I’m not strong enough to say go away at the gym, but he will always be there or want to hang out.
I make it very clear I only have 30 mins for lunch etc and he’ll still keep pushing for longer and longer, and it stresses me out. He knows this and has apologised. But still does it.
This past weekend but he kept pushing the boundary of holding my hand, kissing my head etc even when I said no. And then ended up kissing me. And I didn’t stop the kissing so I feel like I am to blame. But I had made it so so clear I didn’t want it. He said he’d bought me food for dinner and made me feel guilty for not going to his house.
I have no idea if any of this makes sense.
He knows I still love my husband and heartbroken over him cheating and still having an affair. I’ve said I’m vulnerable, but I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s him.