Did childhood trauma cause me to uncontrollably ghost people I loved?
I suffered repeated sexual abuse beginning at age six, followed by a drugged assault at thirteen by trusted authority figures that left me with amnesia for much of the event. I kept all of it completely secret from everyone and carried it entirely suppressed and unprocessed for decades. Is it clinically documented that someone with this history would likely develop symptoms including dissociation, toxic shame, emotional flashbacks, physical freeze responses, loss of emotional access to people they loved, a commanding internal voice overriding their own will, and an uncontrollable pattern of abruptly withdrawing and ghosting from close relationships — all experienced neurologically rather than as conscious choice?
I am now in treatment and carry tremendous guilt about the people I withdrew from, particularly someone I loved deeply. Any clinical perspective would be meaningful to my healing.
Thank you.