My (25f) daughter (1f) and her dad (25m) went to visit her paternal grandparents, they only live round the corner and don’t make the effort to come to us, we only go to them. My MIL has always challenged me about my child’s allergies, implying I’m making them up or that one little bit won’t hurt her. So one day i was at the end of my tether, struggling to get my daughter to eat and researching what could be causing this when MIL tells me it’s all in my head. I snapped and told her to “F*ck off” and walked out. I was so fed up and stressed.
2 weeks pass and we visit again after not speaking, I sit quietly, not engaging in conversation as my parter wanted me there, it was FIL birthday. The only thing MIL had to say to me was “you feeling better?”. I was actually ill at this time so I said “yes a little”. She then replied “no I meant your attitude”. I was stunned in silence and didn’t know what to say, I told her I was annoyed about what had happened and it was because I was stressed about my child’s allergies. I also brought up the fact that she smokes around my child, she sits her in the high chair about 6ft away from the kitchen door and stands directly outside the door to smoke. My child always came home stinking of smoke. She simply asked “ what happens if I don’t stop smoking around her?” I just simply said “you don’t see her”. A simple enough boundary for the sakes of her grandchild’s health. We were immediately told to get out the house and never come back.
Soon as I got home. I messaged apologising if they took it the wrong way, explained calmly what I meant and how it would affect my child. Ect. She just replied with “I knew you would do this, stop making up excuses for you terrible parenting”.
I immediately cut all contact, I had to force my partner to cut contact as he could see no wrong in their actions and thought I was being unfair, he’s never been on my side, understood my point of view or even agreed that in the moment that was the correct thing to do. We fought for months over this all while maintaining no contact. It nearly broke us a million times.
2 months ago I allowed limited contact again, he could take our child once a week for an hour to see them, as much as I still hurts me. It was me or his parents, we either split up or he gets to take her to see FIL and MIL. This is still a point of contention, he still doesn’t understand and never will, all he’s done is defend his parents and their choices and never once backed me, his Parnter of 5 years. Fiancée of 18 months and mother of his child.
So AITAH in this situation?