not so hbd to me
i had a mmc at the end of april. i was supposed to be 9 weeks but my baby stopped growing at 5 weeks 6 days. it was the toughest loss of my life. my husband and i had been trying for a year and a half and i finally got pregnant. it was my first pregnancy and i always had this picture in my head that i’d have a baby before i turned 30. i turned 29 today and i just can’t help but feel sad. i’ve actually been doing okay lately, but today i just want to sob. it doesn’t feel fair. i work at a clinic right down the hall from the midwifery department and every time i see a pregnant mom walk by it’s like a punch to the gut. i want to scream. i want to throw up. i’m still bleeding from the miscarriage and i’m still reminded of it every day. why not me? i just want a family so bad. i hate this feeling. i hate this luck. i hate that something i wanted so much got taken away from me. today just really sucks.