6-month mark post breakup of a 3-year relationship
Tomorrow marks 6 months since my ex broke up with me. Yet I still do not understand why, at the 6-month mark, I still keep track of each month that passes. It is 6 months, 180 days and I should not be tracking it like it is an important task for my life. I do not understand why I find myself thinking of her. I miss her and I miss us, but I do not want or need to get back with her. I was ready for the breakup, a few weeks prior I had told my inner circle that we were not going to last a year more with how things were going. It has been 4 months of NC, her not reaching out should be the necessary push for me to not think of her. I understand 3 years together is not going to go away like that. I try to put her in the back of my mind like an old forgotten book, but it keeps showing up, she keeps coming to my thoughts. Some things that we shared or did together, I keep accessing. Like TV shows, gym, running, and music. And I do not want to drop it just because she also liked those things. We both like Bad Bunny, but I will not just drop Bad Bunny, I have been listening to him since 2017. Same for the gym, running and TV shows. I guess I have to be ok with the fact that every time I access those activities, there is a chance she will come to my mind.
And when my thoughts of her hits me, I go back to my question of whether she is going through this situation as I am. Does she miss me? When did she realized the feelings where dead? When did I stop trying to nurture the relationship? When did I began detaching? Am I over her? I tell myself yes but that is my head saying yes, while my heart stays silent.
It sucks more that she was my first love.....