I am so confused
I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 12 and I used to SH before, but I stopped. Recently though, I feel like something is off again and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my mental health is getting bad again.
Life is actually okay right now, which is why I’m confused. But lately talking to people feels draining, my sleep schedule changed, I eat less even though I usually LOVE eating, and I have no energy for chores or studying. When I try to study, I can’t focus or understand anything and I just want to lie down. But when I lie down, I get anxious and guilty for not doing anything, so I just end up doomscrolling on my phone.
I also feel super self-aware all the time. Like I constantly analyze myself and criticize everything I do. I feel like I’m becoming mean or annoying to my friends and that they’re secretly irritated by me. I can’t tell if it’s real or just my brain.
Another thing is my mood feels weird. Sometimes I’ll have a really good week where I feel genuinely happy and normal, then suddenly I’ll have 2–3 days where I feel deeply sad, hopeless, exhausted, and don’t want to do anything. One time, after getting triggered by I don’y know what, I suddenly started thinking about suicide and felt like I had no options left. It only lasted around an hour, but it scared me because it felt so intense and real in that moment.
I’m also 20 a 1st year nursing student and I’m broke, so going back to a psychiatrist or hospital feels impossible right now.
Does this sound like depression coming back? Burnout? Anxiety? I know nobody here can diagnose me, but I just want to know if someone relates because I feel really confused about myself lately.