my partner remains friends with the misogynist landlord who evicted me via Instagram
Yeah the title is as crazy as the story. Got to the point where I need to ask reddit. So full story short ( or long) :
I met my boyfriend because we were roommates, living in the house of his friend in a major city which I moved to half a year ago. One day my partner told the landlord, aka., his friend who also lives in the house, that we are in a (committed, official etc) relationship. Less than 12 hours later, his friend evicts me via instagram dm. Basically I had to leave the house the same month, within 2 weeks find a new place, although he had promised me I can stay 5 more months. Yeah, I was evicted via instagram dm. Because,as the landlord said, our relationship is against "the rules of the house". Aha. There were never such rules. Not even about cleanliness. Anyway, It felt like this guy was being really controlling towards my boyfriend, basically not allowing him a relationship or having an issue with having a relationship with me. At least, definitely not a normal way to react as a "best friend" of someone.Furthermore, he tried to humiliate me, saying in the instagram message, that he's calling in an assembly to discuss the decision "collectively" on whether I can stay or not (it's as crazy as it sounds) - and then he invited 3 friends of his who had previously lived in the house, and who are also part of his stupid cultural project he leads in the house (aka cultural events he organises with them). he unironically held that assembly as a power move or a way to humiliate me, idk, but he already took the decision anyway that I had to go. So I had to leave.
The other three people in the assembly were just as confused as you, the readers of this madness, are. I can assure you, there has never been any conflict between me and this guy, I wouldn't say we were ever friends, but no fight etc ever happened, we somewhat got along. Meanwhile, this guy is casually dating an endless amount of women, and we - the other people in the house - almost never meet them. Except one time, I coincidentally got to know one of them, and she told me that she had a very bad experience with him, that he acted deceiving and manipulative, and described an incident of sexual assault to me (aka she said to him she does not want xy. He did it anyway).
I continued talking to people, then find out that this guy also threw out another girl before me, a trans girl while she was transitioning and at a time where she didn't have much money. She explained to me how he just wants yes-people around him, and he basically threw her out because she was putting up boundaries; he did it in a similar manner with her; very sudden, very ice-cold, very detached. She was so traumatised by this and never set a foot again in that house where events often take place attended by a friend circle we are all in. Now the issue is, I am fucking tired of this shit. I was evicted, she was thrown out the same manner, this other girl who dated him experienced sexual assault, and I know of a friend of a friend who apparently also had a bad dating experience with him.
My boyfriend was mad as fuck, and hurt about what he did, when he threw me out. he said to me, he will never forget the tears in my face he caused. It already crossed a line for him when this other girl was thrown out in an inhumane manner, and now was the last time he promised. He did confront him, and he did it in a very direct and confronting way as he's never done before. Voiced his criticism etc. And then basically told me he confronted him, and that he will change. However, after this phase of anger, a few weeks later, I see him being normal with him again. He keeps doing construction and maintenance work in the house for his friend, keeps helping with his cultural events, and also appears publicly as part of the "team" of the house and the events.
I feel more and more crazy because the inner circle that is close to the guy just seem to not see any of the stuff that happened to me, to other people. Or they seem to ignore it? Misogyny seemingly isn't an issue. I excused it in the case of my partner because he doesn't have anywhere else to go at the moment, and it's an expensive city. In exchange for maintenance work he lives there kind of for low rent. But more and more I just feel like he almost forgot what happened. But it's not just him. It's everyone around him. I keep being pissed and making negative comments about his landlord-friend. Then one day he snapped, when we were invited to a dinner in the house, organized by another friend. Saying: Well, he'd rather not participate in the dinner, because "my enemy" will be there, and its tense when im there too, and this conflict is tiring "for everyone" (I didn't plan on going anyway).
I just feel I'm becoming more and more toxic the more I hang with my boyfriend aka I can't be happy for him sometimes. The other day, him and his landlord-asshole-friend won a price for this cultural project / the events they're organizing in the house, and he was so happy. I just couldn't fake a smile at this point. Because I know that this guy is just using a space like this to get access to women, who he has no issue lying to and deceiving. He also has no issue throwing out people if he doesn't like them. he has no issue with blatant lies, as I've seen it myself. He doesn't have an issue with humiliating people.
Whenever I tell this to people outside of this whole friend circle, they're full on boycotting that space and are outraged. But I can't seem to talk to anyone in that space. I stopped addressing the topic with my boyfriend. Because I see how upset he gets, when I keep being angry at this guy.
More and more I realise : This guy is his friend and will always be. Regardless of what happened to me, the pain it caused, the days and days I spent crying for how I was thrown out out of nowhere. Regardless of what happened to the other girl. I love my partner so much and just feel like it would be toxic for me to make him choose between me and something he deeply cares about, his friend and their project. (his landlord-friend btw never credits him for the whole work he does for the events. its just all shit). But here I am once again crying, after a night trying to shut up as my partner and his (other) friend rave about how great the price is they won for the events they're creating, and so on. It makes me want to throw up, yet I can't say anything. In case you're curious, these events are like cultural, artistic, intellectual stuff.