Trying to reduce my daily use
Hey there friends
31 year old male from the US. Been doing 6g regularly from about 3 solid years. Longest period of sobriety is around a month.
Health wise it’s been a struggle. I’ve lost about 20lbs in muscle mass. Bladder is not terrible surprisingly. Liver enzymes fluctuate.
The worst part is what this has done to my relationship to my girlfriend and those around me. I hate who I am during this addiction. While I’m only about 24 hours sober, it’s this constant ride of feeling shame and relapsing.
I usually get around 3 days sober before figuring out how to get more. It’s inexpensive in my circle. I’ve spent maybe >50k on this addiction I’ve calculated total.
When I first dive back into using, I’m functional. I can take care of tasks in the home. I’m working just fine. Everything is okay. Until I just binge to the point where nothing I do or say makes sense. I get paranoid, suspicious of people around me. I isolate myself and become completely useless as a partner.
I read posts here often when I try to stay sober just another day so thank you to everyone here. It’s a battle every day and I wouldn’t wish this addiction on anyone.
If anyone wants to chat or discuss things let me know. I’m open to finding support out of this.