I believe I can be happy but I feel insane right now
I am 18 years old and I am going to move out in September. It will be my first time ever having my own bedroom and first time away from my parents. I feel like I need to move now though. My father likes to blame everything that goes wrong in his life on everybody else. If something goes wrong at work, somehow it is my fault. And if he can't blame something on me, he gets mad about something small and blows up about it. Like this morning, he started an argument about hand sanitizer. It feels like there is no avoiding an argument with him. He used to yell at me because I wouldn't just simply say "okay" but when I started to, "don't say okay with an attitude". Im so sick of it. I feel physically sick every day because I have to interact with him. But September is so close and far at the same time. I feel like he feels his control over me is slipping away so he is doing everything to try and control what I do. Like taking my phone away for 3 days for no actual reason! I just don't understand why I am the one who he has to do this to. Does he not reflect and understand how insane he can be? And his stupid friends think he is perfect because he villainizes everyone. "Oh why is your daughter being so disrespectful?" "Just teenagers, they are so horrible." Yeah, okay.
I believe moving out will save my sanity, but Im not sure if I can handle 4 months of being stuck with my father. I know I will feel happier. I would rather be financially unstable, which is my biggest fear, than live with my father. It has made me more peaceful to imagine living in a home where I have control of myself but then I think about how far away that is...
Sorry, little rant there